The night started of as any other night in Nanjing, a group of us, through the medium of text messages arrange a dinner at a cheap Chinese restaurant with the sole purpose of spending more money on alcohol as we do food and as always we succeeded.
There were 8 of us there for the meal. A Chinese guy, a Chinese girl three French guys, an American Girl and guy and me, the only Australian. All 6 of us foreigners were fairly new to Nanjing so it was a bit of a getting-to-know-you over a bit of food and a lot of beer.
When it was pointed out that I was the only Australian, the Chinese girl, now known as DaShan stated
"All Australians are gay!", I had a puzzled look on my face and asked her
"What do you mean 'All Australians are gay'?"
"I herd zis tew" scoffed one of the French twats
"I have met 2 Australians and they were both gay" she continued, This logic baffled me..
"But I'm not gay"
"How do I know that?"
"Touché", all of a sudden this exchange turned from me defending the sexual orientation of a large percentage of my country to trying to get in this girl’s pants.
DaShan wasn't a regular Chinese girl; she was from the south of China, Chongqing. They are known for the curvy figures, compared to regular Chinese girls, and their soft voices, if that was the stereotype, this girl was a perfect example. As well as being bustier than a regular Chinese girl, DaShan was also a lot more flirtatious and sexually aware than your traditional Chinese girl, so I knew I was in with a chance. The one thing standing in my way (well I only thought there was one), was the French guy, now known as Pierre, she came to the dinner with. So over dinner we are all chatting, I am mainly chatting to DaShan and seeing how far I could go before it was too much, asking about previous boyfriends, one night stands, foreigners (sleeping with people not from China is a big thing for Chinese girls), everyone one of my questions was met with a frank answer and it didn't bother DaShan.
Pierre and I lived in the same apartment complex, and it was obvious he really fancied her, but I had 5 good reasons to try and sleep with her 1) she had amazing boobs. 2) It was a week after "The3some" (that is a story for another time) 3) He is French, he has that accent, he could take any Australian girl from me. 4) She said all Australian's are gay! It was my patriotic duty. 5) I was drunk. I decided I was going to act dumb and ignore how in love Pierre was with DaShan and try it on.
We walked from the restaurant, the three of us to the apartment building and the Pierre said good night to us and when he looked at me, as if to say "Are you going to your apartment", I just said, I am going to buy something from the shop and DaShan said she was going to accompany me and because Pierre had already said good night, he felt awkward and just left. I didn't think it would be that easy. We didn't even go to the shop I just asked her if she wanted to see my apartment, she said yes, off we went.
(I would usually start this paragraph with "the next few hours...", but that is probably a lie")
The next 30-40 minutes was just drunk sex, it was OK, from memory, and the usedy's in the bin and so must have done something right?
The next morning as I woke up, I felt a stoking on my nose, I slowly opened my eyes and there was DaShan, boobies all out, stroking my nose
"You're so beautiful, your nose is so pretty"
"Thanks?!?" I freak out just a little, not just because of the amazing wake up words, but because both my arms are dead, not from drugs, but from my sleeping on them, but it took me about 10 seconds to figure this all out.
"I have something to tell you,” she whispered.
THIS IS NOT A GOOD SENTENCE TO HEAR WHEN YOU CAN'T FEEL YOUR ARMS WHILE HAVING YOUR FACE STROKED!
Playing it cool "Ahhh what...” I am just waiting for her to tell me how she is going to kill me..
"Well.."
Pregnant? No, Condom
STD? - No, Condom
HIV? - No, Condom
Was she a man? - Surely not? Her boobies were so nice!
"I am married", I have never been so relieved to be 'The other man', but then my next thought is about who her husband is and where he is. Is he a Doctor, saving lives? Maybe he is in the Army killing people? I hope not! I ask
"Ahhh, where is he?" I was praying for any answer other than Nanjing.
"Overseas" YES!
"Oh, is he a foreigner?"
"Yeah, he is from France, he lives in Paris"
"HAHA, FUCK YOU FRENCH TWAT"
Winner!
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